just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He better not be in your backpack
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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