Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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