Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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