ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
