I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
