I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
birth control should be required to get into college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
