my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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