A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
