Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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