i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
zippers are such a cool invention
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We need to get me chipped asap
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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