I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
