Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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