we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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