She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i will never coherently bang her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize