Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize