Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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