Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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