At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize