I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
