I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
