You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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