I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
