Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
