we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
