Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
