Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
