sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
