Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
