How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
