My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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