omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
