Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
