sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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