She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
