yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
