Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
