Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
