We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there's paper in my vomit.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
