and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
