I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
