Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
