Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
