All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
