ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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