I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
