As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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