just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
