people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
