I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
