We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
