Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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