im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
