I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
