yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Let's paint friendship bongs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
