Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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