He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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