please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
