guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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