He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize