so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
