Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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