So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
