my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
