One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
