i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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