look no pants
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
