she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
