and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
