You're completely useless in the revolution.
My liver just broke up with me...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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